As an intelligent person you’ll find that arguments are something you’re drawn to. You see as you gain more wisdom from your experiences you’ll watch others follow in your path and you’ll feel compelled to help them out.
If there’s one quick lesson here it’s that you can only lead a horse to water. You can in essence only help those that want to be helped and unfortunately many people despite what they say simply don’t want your help.
People prefer to think that they know best, or if they don’t they seek out only the information that supports their point of view not challenges it.
You’ll feel completed to put across what is to you a perfectly logical point of view yet to others your view might seem pessimistic and argumentative.
I find it’s simply easiest not to get involved when others want to launch a business until they ask for your advice. If they ask for your advice then they won’t hold it against you when you offer it, otherwise if they don’t like it it might lead to some form of argument.
It’s interesting how good intentions can lead to arguments. I’m a very logical person, so I find it hard to deal with people making irrational decisions to the point that I feel compelled to point out the error of their ways, but again this is a bad idea.
People simply don’t want your help and they won’t until it’s too late.
In a similar vein then, when confronted with a challenge at work, perhaps a problematic employee or a customer that’s rude, there is a temptation to argue with them.
To date I’ve never found a positive outcome for an argument. It might bring you a short term victory but it alienates your staff and ultimately just knocks a problem down the line.
I find that it’s much easier to remain calm and nip any potential argument in the bud. It’s hard for someone to shout at you when you remain perfectly calm.
Being angry can often limit your ability to react in the best manner anyway; in effect it’s a form of stress.
Remaining calm can work wonders.
If your counterpart is intent on arguing with you or failing to see reason the best course of action is to refuse to argue, simply walk away.
Arguing gives those that thrive on power and intimidation an excuse to use their powers – refusing to fight doesn’t.
It’s interesting through that in our modern world we have confused a discussion with an argument. I personally am all for a heated discussion provided that both sides want it.
If you can passionately put your point across in a discussion then so be it, but there comes a point when you must ask yourself if the other party wants to hear your point of view. There is no point discussing anything with a closed mind.
Should you need to convince someone of something without a heated discussion turning into an argument, then you will need to prepare.
Preparation is the key, you need to put irrefutable evidence that cannot be challenged in front of your subject in order to give yourself a good chance.
Often I find irrefutable evidence along with a passionate discussion, followed by a 24 hr recess to be highly effective.
It’s important you go in with an end result in mind, in discussions you can often paint a picture only to be side-tracked and as such structure is key to getting your partner where you need to be.
People hate to be proved wrong, and as such the admission of 24 hrs can often make the difference simply because it gives them time to come to terms with the fact that they are wrong.
Chapter Summary:
• Don’t argue for arguments sake
• Have discussions instead
• Prepare for a discussion in advance
• Have an end game
• People hate to be proved wrong so give them time to realise it
Read our next blog post “No business is perfect”.
